It always amazes me how different my family and my husbands family are.. This blog is about acceptance. I think my husband's family had some reservations about me when we first got together.. I don't blame them, I was young and I had a kid. They didn't know if I was serious about my future husband or if I was just looking for a daddy for my daughter, or something else.. Hubby had his fair share of ex-girlfriends that could make a family question any future girlfriend and her motives, not to mention sanity... Alas, my name doesn't start with 'A', which seemed to be a running theme in his ex's. I digress. After a bit of time and the realization that we were serious, his family welcomed me (and my daughter) into the family with open arms..
This is something that I didn't know how to accept.
You see... MY family is just the opposite. My grandma never really liked any of who her children married, with the possible exception (at least at times) of one of my aunt's husbands. Furthermore, I am not so sure she cared too much for most of my cousin's spouses either... She especially disliked my spouse.. My aunt once told me that my grandma's view of my purpose in life was to care for my mother after she was gone. My mother had Spina Bifida and was divorced... They had a pretty strong bond that I think may have made for some resentment from my mothers sister's. In any case... growing up I was the miracle child of a miracle child.
My mom, actually worked pretty hard to introduce and get me together with my future husband, just to freak out when she realized that things were actually getting serious. After that, she did everything she could to sabotage it. My husband put up with a lot as far as my family was concerned... I think most guys would have either given up on the relationship or just not bothered with his in-laws at all.. After my grandma and mom passed away, I was summoned to a meeting with my aunts. My mother had left me a letter disclosing a rather juicy skeleton she had hidden in her closet. My aunts suggested that my husband go to another room to which he told them that that was my decision to make.. He asked me if I wanted him to go or stay... I had no reason to want him to go, so I said stay.. My aunt, the one who told me of grandmas plans for me, had always been a big supporter of my husband and it shocked me when she wigged out and said something to the effect of "this is family business". I swear, if I didn't know better, my mother jumped in her body and possessed her for a time. It was weird... Anyways, it occurred to me (much later and after a lot of thought on it) that my family seems to view spouses as outsiders. It doesn't matter how long someone has been married, the person who married in, is still an outsider... Whereas, my husband's family, when you marry in, your in. In my husband's family, even if you later divorce, you are still accepted, or most are anyways... (As a side note, ironically, this does not seem to include children who were adopted into my family. My mother adopted children who always were accepted and never made to feel like they didn't belong, by anyone. In fact, after she died my aunts even visited my brothers for certain occasions...) Growing up in a family like mine with those views, which weren't outrightly taught like a moral or something but yet just being the norm, made it very weird for me to be accepted into my husband's family. I never have really called his mom, dad, grandma, etc by mom, dad, grandma, etc.. Of course, he never had the chance to do that with my family.. I have recently been working on accepting the fact that their acceptance is real and that I can accept and enjoy it. Especially since I really have no family on my side anymore.. Aside from my Uncle.
I have an uncle in Ca, who I have become fairly close to as he is the only one of my mother's siblings that really acknowledges my existence.. My aunts?? I don't know what to say about them.. I have seen one of them once since my mother died about 8 years ago.. The other I have seen 2 or 3 times but only once that wasn't just running into her somewhere...Sometimes I have moments of great sadness over these things, it is like when my grandma and mom died, I lost everyone... Even though I didn't see or hear from most of them regularly, I still felt a part of the family.
Like I said, I do still have my uncle... I am friends with my cousin's (my aunt's daughter's) 2 kids on facebook and they are great people... I talk to them occasionally and for that, I am grateful for... As for the rest of them, I do not wish any ill will towards them and I hope they are happy.
