Gen X

 It's 10 pm. Do you know where your children are? 

My mother always knew where I was at 10 pm. I was always at home or at a friends house - and she'd know which one. I was rarely out when the streetlights went out and if I was still out, I wasn't afraid to go home. I never things thrown at me, never had to 'go out and pick a switch', or even ever hit.  In fact, I was probably only spanked a few times and it was 1 or 2 swats with an open hand. Usually my mother would tell me to go sit on my bed and think about what I'd done... and I would. My mother never had strange men in and out of the house. She didn't even date. My mom never disappeared and left me to fend for myself. I always had 3 well balance meals. And I only ever saw my mom tipsy.. once. 

I was born in the Gen X era but my experiences are almost completely opposite to the majority of other people my age. Granted, most of my fellow Gen Xers were born to Boomers and I was not. My mother missed that generation by about 3 years, however, looking back, she had some underlying boomer traits.. Although, in her case, those could also have just been caused by being spoiled, so to speak. 

My husband does fit the, stereotypical ,Gen X born to Boomers criteria. It is difficult to imagine his parents in that light, seeing as how amazing they were/are as grandparents. People change though, and it seems they changed for the better. It just makes me sad to think of my husband going thru some of the stuff he's told me about, when he was a little boy. It makes me sad to know that he was not an exception, but part of a whole generation who, as a general rule, went thru similar things. That said, there is a kind of comradery that he has found with those other Gen Xers, on TikTok, of all places. All of their voices finally being heard, recognized, and sympathized with. I know that he has found it all to be quite therapeutic and liberating. I didn't realize that my generation suffered like that, at the hands of (mostly) Boomers, until recently. I am happy that he has found others who can truly understand what he went thru, as sad as that is, in itself. The closest experience I have to understanding is the situation with my 5th grade teacher, whom was probably a Boomer. 

Boomers are known as the 'ME' generation. I see comments below Gen X content (including my husbands) from Boomers who get defensive, and sometimes offensive. The majority of those comments just prove what Gen X is saying, in the first place. Boomers, generally, seem to make it all about themselves and how Gen X somehow did them wrong. They tout themselves as being amazing parents who just had horrible kids. Gen X are not horrible people; they are damaged. They are, in truth, pretty damn amazing, if you ask me. Gen X has been (generally speaking, as always) through Hell and back and still manage to function, somehow. They've overcome their childhood abuses and abusers. They've overcome their various, unhealthy, coping mechanisms. They've come together to help each other do all of that, and support each other when things bubble up and start getting dark. And they've done a lot of that on TikTok. 

I'm proud of Gen X, even though I am an exception to the general population, of the generation. I am so proud of my husband. He has come so far. He's done so many things, good and bad. In the end, though, he continues to grow. To become a better human. He continues to learn how to forgive and trust. And he seems to have found a calling, of sorts, to inspire others, through social media. Who would have ever imagined, when we were kids, a time in which there would be a way to create a world wide community, like there is today?? Who would ever have thought that the travesties and injustices that Gen X endured would lead to 'social influencers', like my husband, to represent a whole generation? I know that the whole thing is overwhelming for him, sometimes. It certainly is surrealistic. But of all people, he is definitely one of the best suited for the job. 

Perhaps I will write more on this. More on the things I've seen from Boomers. More on the ways that my husband's childhood vs. mine, have effected us in our adult relationships. Just more. But I am going to leave this blog here. A declaration of Gen X being bad ass. A testament to how much I admire my husband's resilience, dedication, growth, successes, and love. To all of Gen X, you are amazing. You are seen and you are appreciated! 

Cancer

Cancer. It is one of those words that is treated with fear. Many people won't even say the word, they say 'the C word', as though saying cancer will somehow strengthen it. Cancer is like the Voldemort of the disease world, 'that disease that shall not be named!". I don't think that there is a single person who has not been effected, in one way or other, by cancer! We are all waiting for our Harry Potter, slayer of cancer.. Harry Potter, the boy that lived. Maybe one day, some young boy who survived cancer WILL grow up to find the cure and beat it for everyone who is or has ever suffered because of it. I hope that day comes soon. Cancer has taken too many! I realize, though, that even if or when that day comes, that there will probably be another disease, to take it's place. Another unknown killer. Another whose name shall not be said aloud.  That is the way of the world. For now, we stay in the now. For now, we still wait and hope for a cure for the current disease that kills so many people. We wait.. and we continue watch as people we know and love, are diagnosed. We wait, fearful that we are next... and sometimes, we are. 

Being on social media enlightens us to what other people are going through. I see posts all the time, asking for prayers for people going through different things, including cancer. I see the posts from loved ones when someone has succumbed to cancer (among other things). Today it was an ex co-worker whom I liked very very much. She was an upbeat woman who really cared about people. She fought the cancer, thought she had won, and was tackled when she wasn't looking... because cancer doesn't care if you see it coming. Cancer doesn't care about anything. Cancer kills. Period! With that said, we can not allow cancer to paralyze us, in fear, like deer in headlights. If we stop moving forward, cancer has won. Fight back in whatever way you can, or know how to! Don't take people for granted! Stay strong when you can but rest when you need to. Take care of yourselves!

Perhaps I will write more on this later. No, I do not have cancer. I HAVE lost people from it though.

Like Mother, Like Daughter.

So, I was thinking about some friends I had growing up and it occurred to me that more than one of them followed in their mothers shoes.. This has not always been a positive thing. I, myself, have tried to go against my mother's bad habits and break whatever cycles I didn't like. I wonder how well of a job I have done. It is something I am frequently mindful of. When I start to do something that she did, that once annoyed me, I correct myself. Luckily I have avoided her addiction to Bingo. With all of that said, my mom was not an awful person, she had very good traits as well... She was certainly tenacious, which directed correctly, can be a great trait. As far as my friends go, I wonder if they see themselves following in their mother's footsteps? I wonder if they see me doing so, in ways that I don't see.. 

The Toy Society

I am sooooo excited to do this.. I am actually giddy.. I found this blog the other day called The Toy Society. It is people all over the world, making toys of every kind, then putting them in a baggy with a note (the tags, letters and stuff they send to you when you sign up) and then "drop" it off, somewhere random for someone to find... It is anonymous toy bombing... How cool is that?? Soooo, guess what I plan on doing very very soon?? I keep on thinking of places to drop, toys to make, etc... OH, and a cool part is, that whoever finds the toy can email the blog site or whatever to alert them it has been found.. The site is here:

www.thetoysociety.blogspot.com/

If you can make a toy, DO THIS!!!! 

Wishes

Wishing. 

People wish for things ALL the time.

 I used to too. Now days, I try hard not to wish for anything, unless I really really want or need it..  I used to think I wanted and needed a lot! I have come to realize a few things about wishing.

 
1.  Most of the things people wish for, neither need, nor ended up really wanting or appreciating.
2. Some wishes that come true, have unforeseen consequences. For instance, the wish I struggle most with, not to make is "I wish I were rich!".. I think a lot of people wish that, in fact it might just be the #1 wish in the world, whatever the currency is.. But, you look at a lot of people who win the lottery and their lives usually are worse for it.. Yes, they may have fancy cars, and never struggle to pay a bill again but, they lose something too. From that point on, they never know if people are their friends for genuine reasons or just because they want some of the loot. Shoot, they never know whether long time friends are still actually friends or not.. Money tends to bring out the worst in others. AND they end up with people they haven't seen or heard from, in YEARS, coming out of the woodwork...  
3. People seem to bargain with God for their wishes.. And if their wish comes true, then seem to forget their end of the bargain. For instance (and this sort of ties into #1) someone is struggling hard and prays and bargains that if they are granted a winning lottery ticket and become rich, that they will never forget what it is like to be where they are now and promise to do good and help others, with some of that money! They happen to win the lottery and once out of that low position, don't do anything for others in that position.. Instead they  find themselves without any real friends, buy a fancy car and scoff at the person begging on the street corner they once occupied.. 
4. Wishing allows people to be unhappy if it gets out of control! Wishing is very often a result of a persons unhappiness. I think that the more a person wishes, the less happy they are.. Duh, right.. but what I mean is this.. I think wishing can kind of become a cycical thing.. A person is unhappy about something and wishes for whatever they think will make them happy.. If the wish comes true but has unexpected consequences (possibly including it just not making them happier), then the person is all the more unhappy so wishes for something else to make them happy.. If the person's wish doesn't come true than they are unhappy because they feel unlucky or whatever..

I used to wish that I would someday be able to travel. I wanted to go to Italy, mostly, but India and a few others were on the list too.. It is a dream I have given up. See, to me, my husband is FAR more important than traveling. I wouldn't want to travel with anyone but him, or maybe the kids, but a trip to Italy with your husband is a much different trip than one with your kids.. Both memorable but different. My husband, love him to pieces, but he is a BAD traveler! I know that traveling with him would most likely lead to my throttling him... Ergo, it is more important to have him and NOT travel than to push him into something that will lead to his being throttled!

In any case people wish for so much, all the time.. I am always afraid that we all have a certain allowance, in our lives, for wishes.. I don't want to waste my allowance on stupid crap like ice cream or something... Don't get me wrong, I like ice cream as much as the next person, but is it really worth wishing for?

Oddly attractive

I think there is something very oddly attractive about a person who can be openly silly, even outrageously so.. Some examples of this are Amanda Bynes, Shane Dawson, Christine Gambito (aka HappySlip), and Brittani Louise Taylor... All of these people have had shows or vlogs or skit based things.. All of them are attractive for some reason. I don't know how to explain it, it isn't like a sexual attraction.. I think it is more of a envy type thing.. For most of my life, I was very very self conscience. I was always afraid of being embarrassed over stuff. I was also very afraid I would offend someone else.. I still struggle with these issues from time to time but not as much. These people, though, can just do whatever AND post it on-line. To me, it almost looks like a freedom that I have never possessed. On the other hand, I know that there are a lot of freaky people out there and being a "celebrity", of sorts, could be quite scary at times.. 

At this point in my life, any kind of skit or vlog type thing I did, would probably not be all that entertaining.. I am just too old! So blogging it is... I hope that it is entertaining, meaningful (or whatever) to someone out there.. 

For you viewing pleasure, here is a sample of work from Brittani Louise Taylor... She has other stuff too, be sure to check it out!

Sur-realistic Life Lessons.

I am always amazed at what lessons life gives us. Sometimes they are so subtle that they don't seem like lessons and sometimes they are just little reminders of things we already know..

My uncle recently passed away. He had planned on coming up on July 2nd and called to say that he had fallen and wouldn't be making it. I had train tickets to go down to help him on Aug. 17. On July 27th, I received a call from my aunt telling me that my uncle was in the hospital and wasn't expected to make it much longer. This was sort of a shock since he had just been planning on coming up a couple of weeks prior. I changed the tickets out to go down that day. He passed away 2 days later. While I was there at the hospital, waiting for the elevator to take me to the cafeteria, I looked down the hall and noticed a man walking down the hall with a baby car seat. He was followed by someone carrying a handful of balloons for a new baby... In that moment, things were so surreal. How strange it is that a single place can hold new life and imminent death within its walls at the same time.. One place can hold immense happiness, and grief within its walls at the same time... How the circle of life can begin and end within the same walls. It is hard to explain how odd a sensation, that was. Yes, I knew these things on a surface level.. but it was almost like time kind of slowed for a moment while I watched that man taking the car seat to where there was certainly a new life, while my uncle was laying in a bed that he was not going to be leaving, alive. I am not angry or jealous or anything.. I just find it very surreal. In the line of work I am in, I know that not everyone dies in the hospital... Likewise, not everyone is born in a hospital.. However, a hospital holds both ends of the life cycle within its walls, and much more, as well..