Hooked on this song!!!

He says to blog about him, so I am.... This is just one of many many, many funny songs that he has....

ENJOY!!!

What to do?

Trying to decide what to do. I think I want to go back to school, but don't know what for. I suppose I should talk to someone at the college and see what my options are. I think I would enjoy Occupational Therapy, but the local college only has a Physical Therapy program.. I gotta do something though... Get a new job or go to school to get a new job, doesn't really matter as long as I change direction from where I am... I love working with elderly people. I hate stupid politics that come from the office.. I don't understand why they continue to hire people when there are many people who work for them, already, that aren't getting as many hrs as they would like.. Including me! I hate feeling like crap every time I read the stupid news letter. It makes me feel even worse that I am not as happy for the people who get recognized, as I should be... I want to go to work and enjoy it, not feel used, abused, and a lot of times guilty... Guilty? yes... Although, my work charges about the same as a lot of other companies that provide the same service, it is still for an elite population... I suppose this is sort of out of my control because, like I said, my work doesn't really charge more than other companies, but still... There is no reason for me to feel used and abused though... I dunno where I wanna go from here. I really don't.. I just know that I don't want to be here, in this position, any more... When I first started working there 5 years ago, my husband had a good paying job and I didn't NEED to be working but for now, *I* am the main bread winner. Otherwise, they would have had my 2 weeks notice a while ago... I don't get paid nearly enough, don't have any benefits AT ALL, no paid time off, or overtime... Yet, year after year, I have put up with what they dish out...

When I last went to college, I took a poetry course and there was a poem in the text book, that I wish I could find again. In the poem there was a line that went something like "don't let people walk all over you and leave footprints on your forehead"... I had that book for a long long time, I might still have it packed away somewhere, hope I do.. It was a great poem... 

Anyways, I suppose that is enough "poor me" for now. I hope all is well with everyone else...

Been a little bit

It has been a little while since I have blogged... Blogging is a blast and I love doing it but it does take a bit of concentration so that what you say makes sense... What has been going on in my life? Well, my hubby has been coming off of some meds that he has taken for about 10 years... 

About 12 years ago he was in a car accident. He was at a stop in a 55 zone because of a very small unremarkable accident in front of him... There was a girl coming up behind him that didn't see what was going on because she was putting make up on. Therefore, she hit him at 55 mph while he was sitting there. The impact totaled our car. It didn't look bad from the outside but the bolts holding the back seat in the car, were stripped and the engine was killed as well... My hubby's head hyper extended backwards over the head rest and resulted in all the fascia in his upper back being torn.. We have always been very grateful that our 3 month old baby wasn't in the back because the chances of her surviving would have been slim to none...  

My hubby was down for a bit to recover. Eventually he went to physical therapy. However, because of inactivity while he was down, we learned he had a birth defect that results in bone loss of his lower back.. Every time he went to PT for his upper back, it would kill his lower back and vice versa.. Obviously, he had pain meds... Those started to make him sick so the Dr. suggested a couple of alternatives of which my hubby (always thinking ahead) chose the one that cost the least, in case we lost our ins - which we eventually did. 

In any case, he recently decided to give up the pain meds to see just what kind of shape his back was in.. Also because over the years he has lost some time, probably due to the meds.. By that I mean he has periods of time that he can't remember and such... The withdrawals have been harsh at times.. I am amazed he has done so well but I wouldn't want him to go through it again... I am so proud of him though. He is an amazing individual that has overcome many things that a lot of others would not have been able to. I love him so much and I hope that when all is said and done, that we find that his back is not as bad as feared and that he can live his life better than he could while medicated... at least to the extent that he was... 

So, that is what I have been up to, mostly... I hope all of you are doing well!

Junior Mints

By my declaration, Junior Mints are the best candy you can find in your average everyday market or movie theater. They are versatile in how one can eat them. Straight up with nothing done to them is fine, but my favorite way is frozen. If you have never tried frozen Junior Mints, I hereby give my official order for you to do so. Frozen Junior Mints are particularly good at movie theaters because they don't melt together as fast... And, unlike Bon Bon's, if and when they do melt, they won't pour all over your lap like the melted ice cream. Also, Junior mints don't make your breath stink like some other candy does because of the yummy minty center... They are also low in fat per serving. The serving size is decent and by the time you eat that many, it is possible to stop, unlike other candies. So there!

Money Maker?

So, as I was taking out some cans to the bag outside, at work, I came across a little frog sitting on the exposed cans.. So I grabbed my camera and took a picture of him.. What do you think? Think maybe 7-up's advertising team would spend big bucks on this pic?

BTW, notice how his leg comes just above the "100% natural flavors"!!! LOL

Angela McAnulty's jury verdict.

Recently Angela McAnulty was sentenced to death by the jury at her trial. In case you are not familiar with the case, this mother killed her 15 year old daughter. She had tortured, starved, and beaten her. Her actions towards her daughter were atrocious and sickening. You can find the basics on it here. If you want to read more, you can search her name on that site.. It should be mentioned that DHS had been called multiple times and after a brief visit, dismissed the case. If they would have asked to see her room, I don't see how they could have dismissed it and therefore Jeanette would still be alive.

According to the news, the jury was to decide the following...

1. Did McAnulty deliberately kill Jeanette Maples?
2. Is it likely that McAnulty will re-offend? Meaning, will she be a danger to society? 

3. Did McAnulty kill her daughter without being provoked by her daughter?

These first three questions had to be answered beyond a reasonable doubt.

If the jury unanimously answered yes to all three questions, they would then have to answer a fourth:

Should McAnulty be sentenced to death?

To make that decision, the jury had to take into account factors from McAnulty's life and answer another question:

Were there mitigating circumstances? For example, should her punishment be less severe because of troubles in her own life, or mental health issues, etc.

I have been reading in the news forum on KVAL's site and am saddened. First of all, I want to make it known that I do not condone what this woman did to her poor child. I think it is sick and despicable and unimaginable... I don't believe in the death penalty to begin with, never have... Now that I am working to follow a Buddhist path, it is even more so that I think sentencing her to death was the wrong thing to do. It was reported that when the verdict was read, many of the jury members wept. Angela McAnulty seemed unaffected. Two of the prime beliefs in Buddhism is to practice compassion and to see a potential Buddha in everyone. I was not part of the jury and I was not in the courtroom to hear the testimony and see the evidence.. I realize that that would have been very hard to bear witness to. I have thought long and hard about what verdict I would have fought for. Let me go through the options and the things that I considered about each.

-Death penalty- 

Death is really kind of an easy way out for someone. Part of me says that what she did is deserving of horrible retribution. Then the part fighting to become a better, more compassionate person, says that that thinking is not good. In any case, my biggest debate on this option was whether it was more compassionate than the other options.. However, I also believe that all the people involved in making that decision, do not deserve the heart ache that it would (and did) cause them. Not to mention the Dr. who would (maybe) eventually carry out the execution.. He/she got into that job knowing what it would entail, and maybe thinks their ok with it, but I still wouldn't want to be a part of putting them into a position to take someones life. If they really were ok with it, that is even worse... for the jury members and the executioner.. So, NO on the death penalty.

-Life in prison without possibility of parole- 

I was pretty sure on this one being the one I would choose, for quite some time. I question myself because of my feelings about what she did vs my Buddhist belief that there is a potential Buddha in everyone. This verdict, in my honest opinion, is the least compassionate. It would mean that she would be locked away somewhere for the rest of her life with not a whole lot to do or think about but what got her there. The less compassionate side of me says she deserves that. The more compassionate side of me says that maybe after 30 years she will have changed her life around and decided to dedicate her life for good. My hubby said that there are convicts that do that from the inside, that she does not have to be free from prison walls to accomplish that. In any case, that inner debate of mine got me to thinking about the more compassionate sentence of life in prison with possibility of parole after 30 years. So lets explore that

-Life in prison with possibility of parole after 30 years- 

Like I said above, this is the more compassionate verdict for Angela McAnulty than life without parole. In 30 years, when her chance for parole came up, she would be something like 72 years old. The chances of her re offending would be slim to none. I took a criminal justice class and they said that anyone over a certain age is statistically unlikely to re offend. With a 'NO' answer to whether she was likely to re offend, the death penalty would be taken off the table, so one of the life sentences would be the only options. In this case, I have to agree with the defense that her crime was sort of limited to a certain situation and person, as far as the physical abuse was concerned anyways. The other kids being around for it and directed to gather things for the abuse, was in essence, abuse in itself..

In the end, I decided it would have to be one of the life sentences.. I can't say for sure which one though. It sort of changes day to day and sometimes moment to moment, even, depending on how compassionate I am feeling. Either way, I think that the other jurors and I would have been able to sleep better, knowing that she wasn't going to hurt anyone again and we didn't have to take part in her death to ensure it.

Next up: Why the comments on this story made me so sad!

Family acceptance

It always amazes me how different my family and my husbands family are.. This blog is about acceptance. I think my husband's family had some reservations about me when we first got together.. I don't blame them, I was young and I had a kid. They didn't know if I was serious about my future husband or if I was just looking for a daddy for my daughter, or something else.. Hubby had his fair share of ex-girlfriends that could make a family question any future girlfriend and her motives, not to mention sanity... Alas, my name doesn't start with 'A', which seemed to be a running theme in his ex's. I digress. After a bit of time and the realization that we were serious, his family welcomed me (and my daughter) into the family with open arms.. 

This is something that I didn't know how to accept. 

You see... MY family is just the opposite. My grandma never really liked any of who her children married, with the possible exception (at least at times) of one of my aunt's husbands. Furthermore, I am not so sure she cared too much for most of my cousin's spouses either... She especially disliked my spouse.. My aunt once told me that my grandma's view of my purpose in life was to care for my mother after she was gone. My mother had Spina Bifida and was divorced... They had a pretty strong bond that I think may have made for some resentment from my mothers sister's. In any case... growing up I was the miracle child of a miracle child.

My mom, actually worked pretty hard to introduce and get me together with my future husband, just to freak out when she realized that things were actually getting serious. After that, she did everything she could to sabotage it. My husband put up with a lot as far as my family was concerned... I think most guys would have either given up on the relationship or just not bothered with his in-laws at all.. After my grandma and mom passed away, I was summoned to a meeting with my aunts. My mother had left me a letter disclosing a rather juicy skeleton she had hidden in her closet. My aunts suggested that my husband go to another room to which he told them that that was my decision to make.. He asked me if I wanted him to go or stay... I had no reason to want him to go, so I said stay.. My aunt, the one who told me of grandmas plans for me, had always been a big supporter of my husband and it shocked me when she wigged out and said something to the effect of "this is family business". I swear, if I didn't know better, my mother jumped in her body and possessed her for a time. It was weird... Anyways, it occurred to me (much later and after a lot of thought on it) that my family seems to view spouses as outsiders. It doesn't matter how long someone has been married, the person who married in, is still an outsider... Whereas, my husband's family, when you marry in, your in. In my husband's family, even if you later divorce, you are still accepted, or most are anyways... (As a side note, ironically, this does not seem to include children who were adopted into my family. My mother adopted children who always were accepted and never made to feel like they didn't belong, by anyone. In fact, after she died my aunts even visited my brothers for certain occasions...) Growing up in a family like mine with those views, which weren't outrightly taught like a moral or something but yet just being the norm, made it very weird for me to be accepted into my husband's family. I never have really called his mom, dad, grandma, etc by mom, dad, grandma, etc.. Of course, he never had the chance to do that with my family.. I have recently been working on accepting the fact that their acceptance is real and that I can accept and enjoy it. Especially since I really have no family on my side anymore.. Aside from my Uncle.

I have an uncle in Ca, who I have become fairly close to as he is the only one of my mother's siblings that really acknowledges my existence.. My aunts?? I don't know what to say about them.. I have seen one of them once since my mother died about 8 years ago.. The other I have seen 2 or 3 times but only once that wasn't just running into her somewhere...Sometimes I have moments of great sadness over these  things, it is like when my grandma and mom died, I lost everyone... Even though I didn't see or hear from most of them regularly, I still felt a part of the family. 

Like I said, I do still have my uncle... I am friends with my cousin's (my aunt's daughter's) 2 kids on facebook and they are great people... I talk to them occasionally and for that, I am grateful for... As for the rest of them, I do not wish any ill will towards them and I hope they are happy.